This is the beginning of a story I never wanted to write. About the journey I never wanted to go on. Involving the process I never wanted to go through. Which makes me a part of the club I never wanted to be in. The infertility club.
If you’re reading this…. You might be a part of the club too. And as much as we both don’t want to be here… well, here we are.
Perhaps your body isn’t responding as it is designed to, or perhaps your partner has an issue that is contributing to the equation. Perhaps both. The reason “why” isn’t what matters – it’s the outcome that is the problem. And like it or not, that’s what brought us to where we are.
Maybe you have been a part of this club for a while, or maybe you have just joined it. But whatever the status of “membership”, one thing is true… we have a hope. If we didn’t have hope… we wouldn’t be reading this right now. Because we would have moved on… though possibly unhealed… with hope laid to rest. But I am here writing, and you are here reading. So our hope, tired as it may be, is beating still.
Hope. We hear the word. We sometimes feel it’s emotion. What is it in words? Old trusty Merriam Webster says this:
- “to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true,”
- “to cherish a desire with anticipation”
- “to desire with expectation of obtainment”
- “to expect with confidence”
In our case, we know what the “something” is… it has two pink lines or a plus sign, it often causes nausea, crazy emotions, hot flashes, unordinary cravings, cramping, and many other fun side effect (but we wouldn’t care about any of them, if only we could have it!)… and then it comes out screaming with ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Yes…we DEFINITELY know what the something is.
Like hope’s definition, we WANT it to happen and be true… we THINK it COULD happen and be true…we cherish and anticipate the thought of it, we desire it with expectation of having it… but we don’t always expect it with confidence.
How COULD we? We’ve thrown away so many pregnancy tests in the trash – going back minutes later to double check the line. “It MUST be wrong”, we think, “I’m 13 days late!” We’ve wept in the bathroom stall as we unexpectedly start our period, wiping our eyes before strongly going back into work. We’ve seen all the Dr. flip charts, understand lab terms most people have never heard of, and have stacks of insurance claims sitting on our desk. Confidence? That’s laughable.
But here we are, WANTING confidence in this unconfident club we find ourselves a apart of. And friends, there IS a CONFIDENCE. His name is Jesus. The Bible mentions confidence in 1 John 5:14, “And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he hears us.” So in all of this lack of confidence – we are invited to know the one whom we can have confidence in. And we don’t know the outcome yet… maybe it will be what we always dreamed of. Or maybe the dream will look a little different. But when we get in on HIS dreams. Our confidence can be secure.
With confidence there is peace. With confidence there is rest. With confidence there is comfort. And friend, you need comfort. A spouse’s arms are good to rest in, a friend’s shoulder is good to cry on… but only Jesus can heal your heart. When we make Him our confidence, He brings the comfort and peace that we need. These scriptures have calmed and comforted my heart in this dark time, and I pray it does the same for you, John 14:16,18,26-27, “16And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; 18I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. 26But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. 27Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Have you made Him your confidence? With confidence we can have a clear vision. You can envision that big protruding belly and that baby in your arms, or maybe for you it’s envisioning signing those adoption papers and calling that child yours… And like the encouraging author and speaker Joyce Meyer reminds us, “having a vision doesn’t mean that it will instantly appear. God’s as interested in the process of vision as He is in the end result.”
Friend, God has a process for you to go through on this journey. We can choose to embrace the process… and we can even choose to enjoy the process. There will be tears along the way. But there will be joy as well. And in the end, we will each have a miracle to share.
Inadvertent “club members” finding ourselves here, let’s share the process together! Let’s hope together, dream together, envision together… probably even cry together… and eventually CELEBRATE TOGETHER the thing we are uniting in confidence for. Oh, and along the way, we can PRAY together, and join with the One who can make us confident, and who we can praise through the journey and when we hold what we hope for in our arms… for HE is the ultimate comforter and confidence giver… Jesus.
References
Hope. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved October 5, 2013, from
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hope
1 John 5:14, American King James Version
John 14:16,18,26-27, King James Version
Meyer, J. (2013). Bible.com/Promises for Your Everyday Life. Retrieved from https://www.bible.com/notes/4272088
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