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The reality of what I was about to face in the next few weeks of giving birth hit me. “WHAT. AM. I. GOING. TO. DO. WITH. 2. BABIES?!”
(Parents of multiples, you will probably snicker at what I am about to present, are just on a whole other level, and deserve major props and accolades and awards and ice cream – loads and loads of ice cream!) Granted, by the time my daughter was born my son had just barely hit 18 months so could at least walk and be interested in objects for a fair amount of time, I was still becoming a little paralyzed at the thought of what would soon be my everyday world. So I settled into the mantra “I will take it slooooooooow and face one day at a time.” (Side note: we didn’t fully plan the spacing of our mini-me’s, but previous struggles with infertility left us wondering “how long will it take this time?”. BAM! It took no time at all, hence the 2-under-2. Yay, God! Buckle up, let’s go!) Now, even though I am a novice at three months into it, I would have shared these tips with my pre 2-under-2 self to help my emotions, mind, spirit, and body do this thing!

 

1. LOWER Your Standards

I know, you weren’t expecting that, right?! Neither was I! In fact, it was my eye Dr. who suggested it (God bless his little, spectacled heart!).  As I was deciphering between an “K” or  “R” on that eye chart and we discussed life with 2, he uttered 8, life-changing words “It’s all about lowering your standards right?” And you know what? He WAS right! Let’s face it; with 2 babies under 2 “perfect” isn’t happening. You have to find the balance of the things that are most important to you, and be ok with the lesser details falling to the wayside a bit during this season. For example, to me a clean kitchen is really important. So some days (even if it takes aaaaaalllll day) I sacrifice an extra load of laundry or the 10 goldfish crackers that I know are hiding in the extra shaggy area rug for it. Think you never want your kid to watch TV? You might wanna budge a little when you’re trying to figure out how to keep them entertained as you sit there feeding a newborn. Applying this principle to many responsibilities helped me prioritize and be realistic with which things are most important to me, what things to give my time and attention to, and identify the things to put off so I could soak up this infant stage!

2. STRATEGIZE

Poop explosions, tantrums, and spit up catastrophes happen people! (Amidst the standard feeding times, nap times, diaper changes, pumping sessions, baths… and on and on and on.) So how are you supposed to do anything else? This is where staaat-eeegggg-iiiizing comes in. If you have some type of plan, it helps your mind and emotions when everything is hitting the fan. For me, it made it easier to stop, take a breath, and laugh (or cry??) as madness ensued. Here are some of my favorite strategies I’ve been implementing these past 3 months:

• Use a Planner: However you like to plan, do it! Written task lists, scheduled events, and notes of thoughts help you do more than sit as a human cow while your toddler runs wildly around the living room. If you can accomplish these things, great! If not, at least you were able to organize your thoughts and tried! (My Favorite planner is “The Happy Planner” – it’s super fun, and CAN BE FOUND HERE!

• Create Diaper Stations: In the living room, in the nursery, in the car, etc. Someone will always need a diaper and it makes it really nice to have a station with supplies nearby for quick changes!

• Use Toy Rotation and Toddler Activities: In reference to number 1, “Lower your Standards” and selecting items that are most important to you, I absolutely could not STAND tiny pieces of toys everywhere. My toes were tired of it, and my back was tired of picking those ever-loving pieces up throughout the day. The solution? Toy rotation and activities! Use bins to put away toys that contain small pieces, and get them out as needed to entertain the older child. Also, create some easy toddler activity bins to get out when boredom calls. (PINTEREST IS YOUR BEST FRIEND HERE!)  Keep books near your baby feeding area so that when toddler wants attention, you can easily read them a book to interact with them and help them feel wanted and included. You’re gonna be feeding and snuggling a newborn A LOT, so having these handy helps!

• 

  Meal Prep: Plan out snacks and meals for the week so you know exactly what you are doing and what you need. Planning all meals and snacks makes it super easy to grocery shop as you already know exactly what to get, and GET OUT ASAP (because by now, your boobs may be exploding with milk, PLUS, that family pack of mint-oreos that you may or may not grub on at 1:00am when baby wakes to eat might not make it into your grocery cart….. ooooor maybe it will to maintain sanity.) Choose some time that you have help, and pre make meals and snacks for your family, yourself, and toddler so you have a few days worth of items available. My favorite meal prep item is…drumroll please…PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES! This has rescued me so many times when both toddler and infant needed to be fed at once! Also, I could help myself eat healthy while balancing out the oreo addiction by using this method.

• Think Ahead: Gone are the days of “quick let’s go here!”. Sure, you can still do things unplanned… but it’s gonna take you 45 minutes to get out of the house. Think you’re all ready to go? Someone poos. You’re looking great? Bring on the spit-up tsunami all over your cute outfit. Even getting to the car with bags and babies in tow is a challenge, so create a strategy ahead of time. Think ahead. Pack diaper bags and extra outfits, snacks, and other necessities the night before if you know you have an appointment to get to or want to get out of the house.
• Baby Wear: Whatever your favorite baby carrier is, use it! (If you need help finding one that’s best for you, there are lots of Facebook groups to help with ideas and tips for these.) You can accomplish infinitely more with your hands free, and baby will love the snuggles while you still feel somewhat productive.

3. SIMPLIFY

Now is the time to simplify. Do you really need to freshly cut and cook the organic green beans form the produce department, or can you live with the frozen, steam-able bag? Shortcuts help immensely in this time! My new best friends are Amazon Prime, and Wal-Mart Grocery pickup. They save me so much time and effort, I don’t know what I would do without them some days! What are ways you can simplify and make shortcuts? Do it! Because ya know, that extra 10 minutes it takes to cut those green beans… you’re gonna need that to change 2 diapers and wipe the vaseline off your toddler who thought it was fun to smear all over himself when you weren’t looking.

 

4. HELP YOUR OLDER CHILD

This one has been one of the hardest for me, because I feel the constant pull between my older child’s needs, and the demands of a newborn. I’m regularly adjusting to show my toddler son that I still love him and am here for him, while welcoming sister into our world. And let’s face it, he is basically still a baby himself who relies on me for everything! Some of the tips I would tell my pre 2-under-2 self for this are:

• Include toddler as much as you can: If you can have them both on your lap, do it. Use your free hand for what they need. Let them sit next to you while you nurse or feed baby and read them a story or play with their favorite toy. Simple tasks (with adult supervision!) like putting blanket on baby, holding baby’s rattle, handing mommy the burp rag, etc. has made him feel so important, wanted, and included! P.S. older child still wants to be held and picked up allllll the time, so get ready for your upper body strength to increase dramatically (wink 😉 ) .
• Try not to say “no” all the time: Come up with creative ways to help the older child understand boundaries without feeling like “Mommy is always mad at me ever since this little person came home.” For example, we try to use words like “gentle” and “soft” instead of “NO! DON’T POKE HER!!!”.
• Spend Special Time with toddler: Even if it’s only for 5 minutes at a time – get on their level! Play with them, read books, and stay involved (when you can) in their normal “routines” so they don’t feel abandoned.

5. SAFETY PROOF YOUR NEWBORN

You’re thinking, “DUH!” Am I right? But seriously, things you don’t know to think of will happen. Never ever leave the infant alone with the older child. I learned the hard way  my first day alone.  I thought a 2 minute bathroom run would be perfectly safe as we had just got home from the zoo and a beautiful day. WRONG! I will NOT be winning mother of the year this year, as on this first day alone my toddler toppled over the car seat with newborn in it. OOPSIES! (Everyone was fine, and no one got hurt… except for my super-mom ego.) Things like toddler trying to brush babies teeth, feeding them goldfish crackers, swinging their swing as high as possible, and covering their face with a blanket are also bound to happen. (I’m not telling if I’m speaking from experience or not. Ok, I am. Those things really happened.) The moral: BE ON GUARD AT ALL TIMES. Maybe invest in a baby bouncer to keep in the bathroom or whatever you need to do to make sure baby is in your constant sight and not alone with the older child.

6. ALLOW FOR HELP WHERE HELP IS GIVEN

YES you can bring me dinner for 2 weeks. YES you can hold baby while I take a nap (or a shower!). YES (trusted family member or friend) you can watch my toddler for the weekend and let me and dad bond with baby and get some much-needed rest. YES you can help me carry my groceries to the car. Ya feel me? Take help when it is offered! (By the way, I have amazing friends who spoiled me ROTTEN when baby was born – I am forever thankful for them! Sniffle. Happy tear!)

7. CARE FOR YOURSELF

Since you’ve already had one newborn you will understand how hard the beginning weeks are. It’s even more challenging with another baby needing your attention. As much as possible, rest, do things that make you feel good to avoid and/or get through baby blues, and take care of your body. Everyone has different things that make them feel good (walks in the sunshine, bubble baths, makeup, hair done, etc. MAKE time to care for yourself so you can be the best for those relying on you! Oh, and don’t forget to eat! It’s crazy how hard it is to find time to eat with 2 littles! (Remember the meal prepping tip??)

**If you suspect something more than the normal baby blues (or aren’t sure what you are experiencing), PLEASE talk to your Dr. immediately  for any help. Postpartum Depression is a very real and serious issue that a qualified person can help with!**

8. CARE FOR THOSE WHO CARE FOR YOU

Whether it’s your spouse or another loved person supporting you in this new season, don’t forget to care for them the best way you can! Even though your physical abilities might be altered in this season, do all you can to maintain open and honest communication and special time with them. This new journey is hard on them as well! You’re in this together and a great relationship with them, including making them feel valued and appreciated, will make this time even more wonderful. My husband is amazing, I have called him “my knight in shining armor” at this time, because he treats me so good. Honestly, I have had moments during this transition where I have had to stop and let him know how much I love, value, and appreciate him, because my impatience and stress and HORMONES were screaming otherwise!

9. EMBRACE IT

Yes, it is going to feel overwhelming to go places and do things with 2 minis! Especially when you think of double diapers, nursing/feeding needs while out, and all the other details that go along with being in public. Embrace it. If you plan to go slooooooow, lower your standards for what to expect while out, strategize and plan ahead, going out becomes easier! And let’s be honest – SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO GET OUT! Fear not the zoo, the grocery store, the mall, or the park… just know that there will be times you will say to yourself “AM I CRAZY FOR DOING THIS?!?!” Also, just as much as you sometimes need to get out…sooooooometiiiiimes you need to stay in, in your pajamas and messy bun,  drinking coffee, letting toddler run free while you cuddle baby all day long. Find your own special balance.

10. GIVE YOURSELF EXTRA, EXTRA, EXTRA GRACE

As you know from previous experience, this time goes by oh so fast! Don’t beat yourself up during this transition. Its hard enough on its own! It’s a learning curve with no end, and this is definitely the time to give yourself extra, extra, extra grace. If you need to cry, it’s ok. If you need to eat the whole bag of mint oreos, we won’t tell anyone. Just remember to smile at the end of each day, ENJOY and realize the beauty of your 2 beautiful little ones, and be thankful for this blessing we call being a mom. You got this!

Did I miss any? Have more tips to add? What are your favorite tips for dealing with 2 under 2?