Honestly, it looked like a booger. If we wouldn’t have just come home from the hospital with our second baby in eighteen months, there would have been reason to wonder why such a disgusting thing was sitting on our counter in a plastic sandwich bag. Since there are different “mom camps”, you actually might be thinking that’s pretty disgusting anyway. I’m in the camp that saves crazy things like umbilical cords, first haircut strands of toddler ducktails, and maybe baby teeth. I’m not sure since I haven’t gotten there yet.

But disgusting or not, there it was in all it’s shriveled, booger like glory. It had fallen off a few days earlier when we gave our daughter one of those sponge baths in the sink. Don’t get me started on how cute that is. There’s nothing like a slippery, pink, fresh and clean, pink lotion smelling, wrapped in the softest towel, baby girl to melt your heart… but I digress.

So anyway, there was her umbilical cord sitting on a paper towel…

I could sense the danger near – I mean anything could happen to a booger-like thing sitting on a paper towel in a small kitchen next to the sink. Especially with a toddler and two zombie like parents who hadn’t sleep in a few weeks as it’s caretakers. So I asked my dear sweet husband to put it in a plastic baggie, which he diligently did. And there it sat. Awaiting it’s safe keeping when I could muster up the energy.

That’s when this umbilical cord became like The One Ring (Yes, I am a “Lord of the Rings” geek, and proudly so. And it just so happens that this analogy fits perfectly for this scenario):

“And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost…”

― Galadriel in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings

I think I was in denial for a few days, and each time I approached the coffee pot to wonder “hmmm, where is that baggie?” I shrugged the thought… afraid to bring it up. MY heart already knew. IT WAS GONE.

And that’s when I took on a Gollum-like demeanor. Internally and probably externally too (ask my husband for details. Lord help him.) LOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSTTTTT?!?! ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY LOSE AN UMBILICAL CORD!!!!!!! 

My face shriveled.

My voice changed.

My heart grew cold.

I retreated into a dark place.

I was out for blood.

Or something like that…

And I DEMANDED an answer from my husband – “WHERE. IS. THE.  ____________. UMBILICAL CORD?!?!?!!!!!”

Possibly the harshest words and tones and threats and blaming I have ever spoken came darting from me like arrows towards my husband. It was a battle unlike we’ve ever experienced. (Like, The Black Gate of Mordor status!) Never had I gone nearly a whole day without talking to him. If you cold have read my thoughts, you would have totally known I was still coming down from all those postpartum hormones. Ok, ok,  even without reading my thoughts, my Gollum-like face and voice totally showed it.

I watched him search high and low. And after I had “punished” him enough with my silence for the day is when I had to decide. Was this really worth the battle? Would my future daughter even CARE about seeing her umbilical cord someday? Would she think I’m a total psycho for saving it? Or would she think it was just a booger anyway and throw it away on accident going through her baby box at some point in her life?

This was actually about me and no one else. See –  I really am a lot like a hobbit. Deeply emotional and connected to things, creating memories and importance out of the tiniest details. In a way that’s good. And in a way I’ve had to learn to let go and get over it! (And not just when it comes to umbilical cords.)

Just because my mom saved mine and I thought it was cool finding it when I was a young girl doesn’t mean all was lost. The deep seated emotion I had connected to this bit of flesh that had connected my in utero princess to my body for nine plus months could remain in my heart without the crusty, dried up mucus to show for it.

No – this was not worth hurting my husband any further than I already had. Pushing him away. Causing guilt. Especially since…

      MAYBE I WAS THE ONE WHO THREW IT AWAY??? We will never know!

      Maybe, like The Ring, we will find the missing umbilical cord one day. Maybe my toddler shoved it into a secret toddler black hole where toddlers put things, with many other mysteriously missing items.

Regardless, we will have a story to tell my daughter. I want to keep telling my children stories of how we chose love and forgiveness over trivial things. I hope this is just one story that makes her laugh and feel loved – more than any boogery substance could ever do.

Many times, what seems like something worth fighting over can easily be forgiven. And often laughed about later. I wonder what other things could I let go of and how else could I choose love over things that will fade away anyway?

People are always more important. 

Dear husband, I’m sorry for going all Gollum on you. You’re my real Precious, and worth everything to me. Our real life Fellowship of the Rings is my favorite story.

(Source: http://peregrint.tumblr.com/tagged/lotr_valentines)

Dear daughter, I want you to know how much I love your daddy, and how even without the flesh to show you, carrying you inside my body was one of the happiest times of my life that I will never be able to explain. But since you were there, I’m sure you felt it too.

Dear son… would you mind if I cut your saved umbilical cord in half and tell your sister it was hers?